i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
