Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
