just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
