KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
