My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
