i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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