I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
