If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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