My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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