we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
