i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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