Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
