I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
