The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
