THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
