she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
