Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize