i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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