I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
