Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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