you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
