I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
