I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
