Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need a beard to bite.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
