Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
