Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
