I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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