this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
