It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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