There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were trust falling into bushes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
