I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
