Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
