I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
