I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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