apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
