Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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