sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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