So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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