he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
