I want to stick my p in your. b.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize