Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
