Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize