Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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