Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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