I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
