Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
