my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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