I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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