My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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