a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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