If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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