im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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