Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
