What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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