I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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