If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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