At least make sure they are 18
Why
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize