Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
