Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize