Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
