she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
