i need an iv and a liver transplant
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
