I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
