you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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