I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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