come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
high people should be assigned attendants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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