New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize