thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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