We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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