I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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