Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
