i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
