So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
