i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
