TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
