...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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