Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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