My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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