dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My ass is underappreciated
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
