im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
