I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
