if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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