I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
