cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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