it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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