Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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