I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
