we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
