dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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