tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
