as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
