I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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