apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Floor bacon is actually really good
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
