They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My liver just had a heart attack.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
