when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
