and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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